CKS

I happen to know that CKS is a serious genetic problem that becomes a threat to humanity around 120 years from now. That’s about the time that your great-great grandchildren are running the globe. The reason I know is the geologist who experienced this is a close friend of mine. His name is Matt Grimes.  He’s a professor of geology at Stanford.
stanford

I know him better than his children, his cheating wife, or the woman he falls in love with in the year 2135. I know him as well as your God knows you.
I know him because I am his God.
I created him.

Unfortunately Matt Grimes has some problems. His head is racked with migraines, his mind deals with a bi-polar condition and a lusty Stanford student is after the rest of his body. Matt needs to get away. He knows just the spot. He owns a secluded cabin by a mountain lake. It’s dark. It’s quiet.

When he arrives he stumbles over a strange looking helmet. It looks like something the Romans wore or something a future NFL team wears.cks KINDLEbook cover-FINAL
A wild adventure begins and hopefully you won’t quit turning pages until the last. It’s the perfect diet plan.
No eating, no sleeping until you finish.

CKS (compu-kinetic-syndrome) is now available in Kindle only. Paperback will be out early in 2015. Until the paperback arrives I have Kindle CKS priced at just ninety-nine cents. For you my friends, that’s $.99.

Just click on the book cover in the right column and my friends at Amazon will take care of you.  Thanks.

 

BTW: I have had some uploading problems between Amazon and me. The problem is mostly me. The good folks at Amazon treat me very nice. My problems have been with the first three pages, which are the cover, the dedication and quote page.  From Chapter 1 on, it’s cool. Hopefully that problem has been fixed. If you download to your Kindle and you notice the title page and dedication page is screwy, please let me know. Thanks again.

You can email me @
Mcguirepublications@gmail.com

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Gettin’ there—

One of the ways I “got” there for about 18 years (1980 – 1997) was Thomas Brothers Book Maps. With my central base in Newport Beach I drove a van around California and Nevada for 60 – 65 thousand miles every year. I loved every minute of work and travel so we won’t talk about that. I want to talk about how to find it…you know– where you’re going.

I had a Thomas Brothers for every county in California, every Island in Hawaii and every big city. Each page in the book was laid-out in their somewhat complicated but unique seventeen (1/2 mile) grids. I would sit in my hotel room at night mapping my next day’s journey. I enjoyed using them…really.
Thomas BrothersEach map book cost around $40, at least in the ‘80s. Thomas Brothers has boarded up shop after wrongfully selling out to Rand McNally who made stupid business decisions with the acquisition and then gave up.

In the mid to late ‘90s I would print out Map Quest directions in my room with a battery operated printer. I was a tech-heavy dude.

A dozen years ago the car GPS systems were popping up. They sucked.

Garmin GPS

I didn’t buy one. My fellow sales reps would cuss them out so I stayed away and kept printing maps, Yahoo Maps were my pick then.

Now I talk into my phone and say where I want to go. I may ask for a coffee, a sandwich and a hotel before I get there, too. The answers come back quickly and spot-on. I have a love-relationship with Google. Their mapping system is genius.

Google Maps started an “under wraps” operation back in 2008 called “Ground Truth.”
They just started talking about it two years ago. The algorithms in this program are extracting map information from “street view” – aerial and satellite imagery covering 51 countries.

Street View is too cool. I looked at my house a few minutes ago. They haven’t driven by since December, 2011. Three years! Come on, man. I’ve trimmed the shrubbery, the trees and painted. I see my car was gone that day. I wonder where I was.

I took Street View to my birth-home in Indiana. Wow! Google Maps drove by and filmed in July, 2013. That’s the month we took my mom to her new home, the nursing home. Now the home has a new owner. That’s a nice view. Just like I remember.

It is a film, you know. Our homes, cars, shrubs, sidewalks are all stars in the “Street View” film of our country. Google Maps is one continuous movie and they cut our address out and present it as a photo.

In a smartphone smack-down this summer, my wife and I matched her Siri with my Android she-bot. We were driving all over the east coast…New York to Florida and back to D.C. We would let the two girl-bots tell us where to turn and when to exit. Android gave Siri a real ass-whoopin.’ Sometimes Siri would have a nervous breakdown and say over and over, Turn here, turn here, turn here….and there wasn’t even a damn street. Google/Android rules on mapping.

One other thing for my special nerd-friends. If you are as curious as me about map-making and the “Ground Truth” program at Google Maps, then I have a newly released video for you.
It is a 40 minute video so have the time set aside. You will love it. It is very cool. After all, it’s Google.           http://youtu.be/FsbLEtS0uls
Google image

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

NOSEY

I think my sense of smell is average. I probably enjoy most of the aromas you find enjoyable. I love my peach tree around July 1st. Just yesterday I clipped off a rose from one of our bushes and it was heavenly. I love the summer jasmine by the garage.

Certain food aromas not only are delightful, but can take me back to my childhood. The yearly scent of the Christmas tree has been with me my entire life. I’m sure for you, too.

I love smelling turkey in the oven, pies baking, coffee brewing, roasted garlic, bacon sizzling, fresh chocolate chip cookies, smoked barbecue, fresh bread, and anything cinnamon.
cup of coffee

Please don’t ruin my air with cauliflower cooking, farts or hair permanents. Actually all three smell the same to me. Yuk!

I’m not sure I would want a dog’s nose. But, they seem pretty excited about sniffing anything and everything. The average dog’s nose is at least 10,000 times more acute than ours.
dogs nose
That’s hard to fathom. In an easy way to understand those figures, the former head of the Sensory Research Institute of Florida State University says we can compare a dog’s nose to ours by using an analogy to vision.

What that means is if we can see an object clearly at 1/3 of a mile, a dog can see that object just as clearly at 3000 miles away. That’s how powerful their sensory system is. Wow!  A researcher at Barnard College explained that dogs can sniff some odors in parts per trillion. If you can detect one teaspoon of sugar in a cup of coffee, a dog’s nose can detect one teaspoon in a million gallons of water (two Olympic-size pools).

We humans have about five million olfactory receptor cells in our noses. Dogs have over 200 million with bloodhounds closer to 300 million olfactory receptors.

Cats have great noses, but nothing like a dog. They have between 50 and 80 million receptors.

Then there’s my wife. Her sense of smell is somewhere between the cat and the dog. Unbelievable. She smells things I didn’t know had smells. And some things I smell that seem fine make her half sick.  Fish.  My wife hates the smell of fish. In any form, dead or alive. She hates fried fish, baked fish or steamed fish. They make her gag.

She doesn’t like to be in the same room where I’m reading the morning paper. Newsprint makes her gag. Strange, huh?

But the very cool thing is, when she cuddles up close to me she says, “I love the way you smell.”  Whew….lucky me.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

A Little about Little

I love watching midgets. Ever since I was a kid I loved watching midgets. You know, with four wheels. Four wheel racing was and still is very popular in Indiana, my birth state.

We had a tiny little track in my home town and it was usually stock-car racing and of course the night always ended with the Big Figure Eight race. A large group of race fans are there to see crashes. Just thinking about running a bunch of junkers around a figure-eight track and your mind’s eye sees the smashed, smoking piles of metal and the fist-shaking angry drivers.

But when the midgets came to town the race seats sold out early. Many of the Indy 500 drivers loved driving the midgets.
Here in Bakersfield we have a great clay track and the midgets race twice a year. I never miss watching the midgets.
midgets

I loved watching midget-wrestling. It was HUGE in the ‘50s and ‘60s. We had a big burly World Champion wrestler from our Indiana home-town, Dick the Bruiser.Dick the Bruiser  Indiana loved him. He drew thousands of spectators at big arenas. The opening acts were always midget wrestlers.

When I was in my early ‘20s, my band played weekends in a sleazy bar in Indiana. It had a big long bar-room and a separate large room with booths, tables, dance floor and the bandstand. The only lighting in the room was “black-light.”  True.
People were so ugly in black-light. All false teeth, shown when smiling, were black. I did like the fact we could see through ladies polyester blouses.
The long bar was tended by two brothers…both midgets.

You see, the term midget, now considered derogatory, was the term used for a person whose stature was proportionate dwarfism. At some point in their early life they stopped growing  and stayed proportionately correct for their size.

This sleazy bar I played music in had two midgets that tended bar. They had a mysterious form of proportionate dwarfism. As each kid reached 12 years old, they stopped aging. True. When I knew them they were in their ‘30s. But patrons saw two 12-year-old kids behind the bar, both smoking cigars and cussing like nobody you ever heard before. True. I found them enjoyable, but I stayed in the other room looking through ladies blouses. True.

According to Webster’s, the word was first used in 1816. The word was then used by Harriet Beecher Stowe in two of her novels in the mid-19th century. Then in that same time period, 1850-1870, P.T. Barnum introduced his famous midgets in his circus…Commodore Nutt, Lavinia Warren and the famous General Tom Thumb.Tom Thumb
They were given fantasy military titles, elevated to high society, introduced to kings and queens and showered with gifts.

 

So I’ll stop using the term which some “little-people” find derogatory. I understand.

I’m still going to watch the midgets race, though. True.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Idiomotor

Many years ago I can remember gatherings at baby showers. The older folks, my mom, aunts, whoever, would have a ring or a weighted object on a string about 12-18 inches long. They would have the pregnant gal hold the string perfectly still out in front of her stomach and they would say things like, “If it spins in a clockwise circle, you’ll have a boy, counter-clockwise is a girl.”

I may have the directions or the sexes wrong, but still, the magic would begin. The hand holding the string would be perfectly still and yet the weighted object would start to move very slowly and then start to make a circle in one direction or the other. It was magic.

Actually that pendulum movement thing was investigated back in the 19th century, explained and named Chevreul’s Pendulum.
Chevreul pendulumYou can do it yourself. Make sure the sting is at least a foot long and try to hold your hand perfectly still. You unconscious movement of your hand is called the “idiomotor” effect.

The same idiomotor “magic” happens when someone uses a “Ouija” board. As much as we think we are keeping our hand steady, we’re not. Unconsciously we cause the crazy thing to move around.

The Chinese were the first to use this form of spirit writing to contact the dead. They called it “fuji” or planchette writing. They were doing this as far back as 1100AD. An American business man saw the retail value of this as a popular item and patented it in 1891. The man, Elijah Bond, had many inventions and being a patent attorney made it easy to get his Planchette boards protected. But, one of his employees, William Fuld, took over the manufacturing when Bond died and he renamed the board “Ouija.” He also remade the history of the board, claiming he was the inventor.

Competitors flooded the market with the Ouija boards and Fuld spent most of his time in court until he died in 1927. His family kept fighting the good fight but finally sold the company to Parker Brothers in 1966. Parker knew how to market and came out with their version and outsold their #1 seller, Monopoly, for the next few years.
ouija board
Then the Christians, especially the Catholics, got scared and angry. The Catholic apologist magazine, Catholic Answers, came out and said, “The Ouija board is far from harmless as it is a form of divination. The fact of the matter is the Ouija board really does work and the only “spirits” that will be contacted through it are evil ones.”

Just thirteen years ago a group of fundamentalists in Alamogordo, New Mexico burned a stack of Ouija boards along with a stack of Harry Potter books.

The Idiomotor effect was stopped by Idiotmofos.

And Science loses another battle to ignorance.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

What a Wonderful World

You remember Satchmo singing that song, What a Wonderful World? I particularly like the second verse. It reads,
“I hear babies cry, I watch them grow. Satchmo
They’ll learn much more then I’ll ever know.
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

 

Do you ever think how much more your grand-kids are going to know than you’ll ever know? Yeah, it’s true, even now they have their thumbs trained to do more on a keyboard then our 10 fingers.
teen texting

 

 

But I mean even more knowledge of things we can’t conceive.

Cures for cancer, travel to Mars and beyond, renewable energy running the world, giant desalinization plants providing plenty of water, lifespans averaging beyond 100, and things we can’t even imagine now will be commonplace in one hundred years. The years your great-great grandchildren will be running things.

Two years ago I couldn’t get that idea out of my head. The idea of what my great-great grand-kids would know and how they would be living.
So I wrote a novel about it. I guess you could call it a Science Fiction novel because much of the book does take place in the year 2135. But, it’s also a love story, an adventure story, a family story and a surprising story.

I named the novel, “CKS.”  The letters stand for Compu-Kinetic Syndrome.

You’ll have to buy the book to know what that means. I guarantee it will keep you turning pages.

CKS will be available in a few weeks.

Stay tuned.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Why I Hate Lists

Everywhere, everyday lists are in my face. It the way we communicate. Lists. And guess what?  Most people love lists. Guess I’m weird.
Throw a list on a computer screen and people can’t wait to read your list.

I was reading an article about blogs. It said if I wanted lots of readers I should title my blog with “lists.” You know, like, 10 reasons to read my blog. Or– Top 20 Reasons to skip Christmas this year.  Top 7 Reasons I’m not eating Turkey for one year. Stuff like that.

The best-read blogs are lists. Every day. The best read news-feeds are lists. Every day. Some of the best read web-sites feature lists. Buzz-Feed, Mental Floss…very popular…full of lists.

A big problem now is the list-makers have run out of things to make lists about. So the only lists to read are bat-shit crazy.

You still can’t go wrong checking out Letterman (only a few weeks of his show left) and his TOP TEN list. It’s tongue-in-cheek and not like the lists I’m talking about. Here’s Letterman’s TOP TEN list for things one heard in line waiting for Black Friday stores to open–                    http://www.cbs.com/shows/late_show/top_ten/
Letterman TOP TEN

But the bat-shit crazy lists keep coming. So, I bow to you dear reader. I’m told you love to read lists. This first list is the TOP TEN WAYS to REUSE SEX TOYS AROUND THE HOUSE. This should get your attention. http://www.ultimatetop10s.com/top-10-ways-re-use-sex-toys-around-house/

For my Chinese friends who have “PUNS” now removed and illegal in China…here’s the TOP TEN AMAZING LORD OF THE RINGS PUNS–http://www.ultimatetop10s.com/top-10-simple-yet-amazing-lord-rings-puns/

 

These web-analysts started figuring out that some people (hello!) were turned off by TOP TEN. So odd numbers started appearing and “VOILA” the odd-numbered lists started out-performing TOP TEN lists.  Gee Whiz.

So here is the TOP ELEVEN STOPS FOR YOUR HARRY POTTER VACATION.
http://mentalfloss.com/article/60477/11-awesome-stops-should-be-every-harry-potter-fans-vacation-list

And for my elitist friends who can’t be bothered with Harry Potter vacation stops, here is a TOP ELEVEN BEST NEW WORDS ADDED TO THE OXFORD DICTIONARY.http://mentalfloss.com/article/60452/11-best-new-words-added-oxford-dictionaries

 

Finally there are those BIG GIANT LISTS that many people love. So I’ll close with a very important list.  Since the Merry season is upon us, here is a list about the movie ELF.

Here are 21 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT ELF—

http://mentalfloss.com/article/60421/21-things-you-might-not-know-about-elf
ELF

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments