Paying Attention

There are times when it’s impossible.
Paying attention.
It might be boring old stuff we’ve seen and heard before.
We might be tired and grouchy.
We might be in church.

The one time I guarantee we, that’s all of us, never pay attention.
Pre-Flight Instructions.
Like who needs to know how to fasten a seat belt by now.

I believe I stopped paying attention to pre-flight instructions about 1985. Since then I’ve snoozed through hundreds of those monologues.


Delta grabbed me.
Finally a creative person was hired by the boring airlines to do something about boring pre-flight instructions.

I paid attention and can’t wait for the next Delta flight.

Bet you pay attention, too.

Enjoy Delta’s pre-flight instructions below:

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Decoration Day

Today didn’t become Memorial Day until 1967. In my parent’s home it was always Decoration Day. We picked spring flowers and drove to the two different cemeteries where both sides of the families were buried. Decoration Day was always May 30. No matter what day of the week, it was May 30th.
Decoration Day

One year after the official name title, 1968, the Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. We made the 3-day Holiday thing happen. Four Mondays were named and it started in 1971.

Memorial Day (from May 30 to Last Monday in May)
Washington’s Birthday (from February 22 to third Monday in February)
Veteran’s Day (from Nov 11 to fourth Monday in October)
Columbus Day (from Oct 12 to second Monday in October)

All kinds of griping, pissing and moaning started immediately.
Businesses did not want two 3-day holidays in October.
So, in 1978, Veteran’s Day was moved back to November 11.

Then came the ranting and raving about the February celebration, George’s BD party. Many started yelling, “What about Abe? What about Abe?”
Many yelled but few did anything about it. In fact the official United States name for the February Holiday is George Washington’s Birthday.
Illinois said, Hell No!  So they declared a holiday on Lincoln’s birthday also, February 12, no matter which day it falls. Alabama said to hell with Honest Abe, What about Tom?  So the holiday is called “Washington and Jefferson Day.” (Even though Jefferson was born on April 13)
In Virginia it is just called “George Washington’s Birthday.”
Then there are a dozen states that call the day Presidents Day. Most of them, like I did, do not put an apostrophe in the word Presidents. States honor all the past Presidents. Some declare it is just honoring Washington and Lincoln.
Basically we don’t know what the hell we’re doing on that day…except having some great Presidents Day Sales.

Changing Memorial Day to a 3-day holiday was not well received by many. The Veterans of Foreign wars (VFW) have long advocated moving it back to May 30. Also Senator Daniel Inouye from Hawaii, introduced a bill  to move it back to May 30 in 1987. He re-introduced the same bill every year til he died in 2012.

You knew I would finally get around to talking about the Columbus Day celebration. My blood pressure is already rising just typing that bastard’s name. I can’t do it.

This is a wonderful holiday to celebrate our military who gave the ultimate sacrifice and our families who are no longer with us.

I already did a rant  three years ago about Christopher Columbus and Why Oh Why we would ever celebrate such a despicable character from the past. If you’d like to read it, here it is “Christopher Columbus

Have a wonderful day.

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Nerd Survey

I took this “nerd” survey and now it’s your turn. Just cut out my answers and put yours there if you choose. I have no idea who thought of the questions.

1)  Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed?
It’s a sliding door and I’ve never seen it closed.

2)  Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from motels/hotels?
I traveled for twenty five years. I had thousands. Gave them as gift baskets.

3)  Where is your next vacation?
A week in Arcata followed by a week in Napa.

4)  Have you ever stolen a street sign before??

5)  Do you have a calendar in your room?
I’m not sure what “my room” means. There is a calendar in the office and a calendar in the kitchen.

6)  Are you reading any books right now?
Always….I’m reading “Memory Man” by David Baldacci, “How to Grow a Novel” by Sol Stein, “This Changes Everything” by Naomi Klein and “The Social Conquest of Earth” by Edward O. Wilson

7)  Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

8)  Have you ever peed in the woods?
Of course, who hasn’t? Everyone who ever lived for tens of thousands of years had no choice. Most of those times I had no choice. Like late last night.

9)  Do you ever dance, even if there’s no music playing?
I might have done that decades ago, but don’t recall.

10)  Do you still watch cartoons?
Not unless Family Guy is a cartoon.

11)  What’s your favorite “love” movie?
Too many to list, but I’ll do a few. Casablanca, It Happened One Night, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The English Patient, An Affair to Remember, The Way we Were, (you’re right, hardly anything in the last thirty years…is that me or the movies?)

12)  What do you drink with dinner?
Always water, sometimes wine, occasionally beer (depends on food)

13)  What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in?
I don’t eat em’.

14)  What is your favorite food/cuisine?
Thai (used to be Sushi til I left the bay area)

15)  Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
I wanted to be but the cub-scout den lady kicked me out. Far as I got. I probably deserved it. I think I punched her son.

16)  Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Probably not, even if the market was clamoring for my nudie pic. I don’t care if you do though.

17)Can you change the oil in a car?
I can but won’t.

18)  Have you ever received a speeding ticket?
I got ONE.

19)  Have you ever run out of gas?
NO, but I know I’ve pushed my luck more than a few times.

20)  Favorite kind of sandwich
Recently I’ve been in a “melt” funk. Anything “melt”…tuna, turkey, ham and of course the ultimate patty melt. However, a trip to “Moo Creamery” and I’ll try any of their concoctions.

21)  Best thing to eat for breakfast
Meat and eggs, preferably in an omelette

22)  What is your usual bed time?
11:30, but have been known to see the dark side of midnight

23)  Do you have any magazine subscriptions
Always have. Esquire, New Yorker, Sun, Rolling Stone, Wired, Free Inquiry.

24)  Who was better…Leno or Letterman?

25)  Ever watch soap operas?
Never watched a daytime version. I thought this last season of Mad Men was a soap opera.

26)  Afraid of Heights?
I love the views, but I sometimes get dizzy. I would never walk out on the glass plank hanging over the Grand Canyon.

27)  Sing in the car?
Always have Always will

28)  Dance in the shower?
Nope, never even thought of it. Can’t wait til tomorrow morning.

29)  Ever used a gun?
Hunted a few times. Not for fifty years

30)  Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Most seem to be. I’ve loved a few. Like them live.

31)  Is Christmas stressful?
I enjoy the family time. It was stressful when I was lying to my kids about stupid Santa Claus.

32)  Occupations you wanted to be as a kid
As a tiny kid my fireman/uncle sat me in a fire truck so fireman was probably first. Then I was sure I would be a major leaguer, then I was sure I’d be a priest, then I wanted to own my own business.

33)  Do you believe in ghosts?
I don’t believe in any supernatural woo-woo.

34)  Do you take a daily vitamin?

35)  Wear slippers?
Rarely, but I have some gooey soft things I will slip on now and then

36)  Wear a bathrobe?
Only the furnished ones in hotels.

37)  Wal-Mart, K-Mart or Target?
Do I have to? I guess Target

38)  Nike or Adidas?
New Balance

39)  Cheetos or Freetos?
Freetos smell like wet dog hair. Cheetos taste like it.

40)  Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

41)  Ever taken Karate?
Should have. Get the shit beat out of me all the time.

42)  Can you curl your tongue?
No, when I try it curls down

43)  Ever won a spelling bee?
I was always a great speller. Never remember winning or entering one.

44)  Regularly burn incense?
In the ‘60s dude.

45)  Hot tea or Cold tea?
Mornings are for hot tea, especially chai. Ice tea for summer afternoons.

46)  Favorite kind of cookie
It changes through the years. Right now, Oatmeal Raisin is #1

47)  Can you swim well?
I wouldn’t drown, but not lifeguard well

48)  Are you patient?
I could certainly improve

49)  Ever had plastic surgery?

50)  Black or Green Olives?
In a perfect world, neither. I do love those big Kalamata though

51)  Can you knit or crochet?

52)  Washroom or Bathroom?
In public I say Restroom, at home…bathroom

53)  Who was your High School Crush?
Patty A.  Still a good friend

54)  Do you have kids?

55)  Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Hell yes! A kiss is a sign of affection. 



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My New Mi Account

So a brand new online store opened at 10 am this morning. Unfortunately it was 10am eastern time. By the time I opened my account and went online to buy everything they offered…I mean everything…they had sold out.

However they have promised to email me when more product is available.

What is this new business who can’t keep items in stock?
It’s called “Mi.” Yeah, Mi.

It’s part of the new tech giant, Xiaomi.

Xiaomi has taken the world by storm. They have quickly become the 3rd. largest smart-phone maker on the globe, behind Samsung and Apple. All this happened since they opened their doors in 2011. We may not see their phones in the USA because they have the Apple framework and the Android operating system. Both companies have called them copycats.

Their phones are not what I want to buy. Their accessories are not only very cool, but very cheap.

How much does one have to pay for a “Fitbit?” I’ve seen them from $129 to $149. I believe Walmart has a cheap version for $79.

Why not a MiBand? 30-day battery, tracks fitness, sleep, etc. Works for Apple or Android with Bluetooth. Price?  $14.99.
Mi Band

Is your phone always on low battery? You can buy a power bank from that charges your I-5s (four ½ times) or your tablet (one ½ times). They hold a lot of juice. You will never have a dead phone. How much?  $13.99
Mi Power Bank


Finally I love a good set of headphones. They have become overpriced because celebrities (read Dr. Dre) endorse them and now a good set is from $300 to $600. Not for me.

The MiHeadphones come with three sets of replacement pads and great specs, all for $79.99.
Mi Headphones

Yes, I was trying to buy all three products, but they were sold out in a few hours.

I’ll be ready next time. They will be introducing a wearable “GoPro” like camera, an air purifier, a router and a smart TV.

If you want to check them out, here’s their website awaiting new products:

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Round and Round

I’ve always held the door open for ladies and elders. Lately I’m noticing more and more people holding the door for me. But what happens when the door is a revolving one?
manual revolving door

I’m told the proper thing is to jump ahead of the lady to do the “strong” pushing. Whatever. It’s always been confusing.

A fellow named Theo Van Kannel received a U.S. patent for the revolving door in 1888. There had already been a German patent on this idea in 1881, but the idea died.

It seems ol’ Theo didn’t like ladies and especially didn’t like opening doors for them. That’s the story. He never married, but worked for years developing his heavy wooden three door system. He installed the first one at an upscale New York restaurant called Rector’s in  Times Square. Van Kannel sold his company to International Steel, known today as the International Revolving Door company.

Revolving doors are energy efficient by regulating temperature and air pressure. Much less air rushes in and out when people use them. Most studies show as much as 30% of energy is saved.  However, there is usually a regular door next to the revolving one and 70% of folks prefer using those.

Van Kannel died in 1919 and never received acclaim for his invention. He was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 2007.

So, next time fellows, jump in front of the ladies and say, “Let me get that for you, and
push away.



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Too Much of a Good Thing is Wonderful!

Before Rihanna and Beyonce there was Sting, Prince, Madonna and Cher.

In Ancient History (my time frame) there was Fabio, Twiggy and LIBERACE.

Happy Birthday, Liberace! I wish we could have seen the old queen at age 96, but he died in 1987, before his 68th birthday.
Liberace3A few generations missed “Mr. Showmanship” as he was known for many decades.

From the 1950s to the 1970s, Liberace was the highest paid entertainer in the world. IN THE WORLD!

He was more flamboyant than Elton John and as talented as most concert pianists.
Those were strange years for gay performers. Everyone knew he was gay but if he would have acknowledged his homosexuality, like Elton John, he would have played to empty rooms.

Instead he denied he was gay until the day he died of Aids. He had ex-lovers sue him for palimony including a huge law-suit form his chauffeur/lover who lost to Liberace in court.
Liberace 2

The Daily Mirror and Confidential Magazine both ran articles about his male lovers and his gayness. Liberace sued them and won big settlements. Those were the days. His lawsuit stated that their accusations hurt him and made him cry. After the settlement he said “I cried all the way to the bank.”  He used that term for thirty years.

He had SIX Gold albums, TWO Emmys and TWO stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

His motto, “Too Much of a Good Thing is Wonderful” was how he lived his life. He spent money on an extravagant lifestyle, yet still had an estate valued at over one hundred ten million when he died.

For those of you who want to reminisce and for those who have never seen the “fabulous” Liberace…ENJOY!


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50 Years of Lyin’

Time to tell the truth. Come clean. Clear the air. Actually if the title bar was longer I would have called it “50 Years of Lying, Scamming and Cheating.”

Yesterday I stepped up and wiped away my falsehoods, my dishonesty, my deception, and my prevarications for the past fifty years.

Now hold on George, I still like girls, so you’re barking up the wrong tree.
And it’s got nothing to do with taxes.

Yesterday, I showed up for the first time to serve on a jury.
I know, Tommy and Johnny just turned over in their graves. (Sorry Mr. Jefferson, sorry Mr. Adams)

When I got my summons a month or so ago, it was amazing how many people started telling me how to “get out” of doing my civic duty. They didn’t have to tell me how to get-out, I’ve been an expert for fifty years.

My most elaborate scheme (which wouldn’t work in our tech-savvy world now) was in 1989. Living in Newport Beach, I was a straight commission music instrument representative traveling throughout California, Hawaii and Nevada. Serving on a jury meant ‘No Pay.’ The judges of Orange County didn’t care. “It’s your Civic Duty,” they said. On the Saturday before I was to report for jury duty I was telling my golf partner my dilemma and wouldn’t you know, he happened to own the most prestigious Hearing Clinic in Newport Beach. He did the hearing aids for John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, Joey Bishop and Buddy Ebsen. He invited me over to his clinic when we finished our golf round. He gave me an extensive test checking my low, mids and high range hearing. He said I had above normal range of hearing and that was abnormal for a guy who had a few decades of playing rock and roll.

He disappeared into his office and started hunting and pecking away on his IBM Selectric (come on, this was the ‘80s) and he handed me a beautifully written note on his stationary stating that I basically couldn’t hear a damn thing being said in a court room. It worked. Dismissed!

My last summons was six months ago and I had a vacation planned so I postponed it for six months. I promised myself I was going to do my civic duty. I did. I’m serving.

The other cool thing yesterday was the fact that it’s “Juror Appreciation Week.”
jury appreiciation

We were treated like celebrities. I was given a free ball point pen, a free book mark and some tasty cookies. Yes!

Also this huge packed jury pool room was loaded with celebrities. I saw everybody that was somebody. At least they certainly looked like who I thought they were. Justin Timberlake, pork pie hat and all, was sitting a few seats down from me. Shirley MacLaine (the way she looked in Titanic) was sitting right next to Robert Mitchum. Very Cool!  I about died when I saw Broderick Crawford, just the way he looked as Chief Dan Matthews in “Highway Patrol.” (1955-1959). One of the first guys called was Steve Martin (I was surprised he was covered in tattoos)

So today I’m back in the jury box again. My big pay ($15 per day) starts today so don’t call me, text me or email me.
Me and Justin Timberlake are doing our Civic Duty.
jury 2

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