An Old Celebrity Gets More Looks Than a New Celebrity


I’m driving a celebrity around town while visiting Indiana.  My celebrity gets a lot of second looks.  She should get the looks.  After all, she’s been a celebrity for quite some time.  I’m not impressed with this celebrity I’m driving around.  She’s finicky, got some problems and quite frankly, I think she looks like a tank.  I know that sounds sexist, but she’s only 26 years old so she could have taken better care of herself. 

This morning was a milestone for her.  She turned over to 58,000 miles.  Most importantly her 97 year old mother announced she wouldn’t be running her around town again.  Maybe God put that small post in the way of the Celebrity’s right front fender a few weeks ago so my Mom would volunteer to give up her keys to her beloved 1986 Chevrolet Celebrity.

In 1986, when my dad picked out the Celebrity on Bill Defouw’s Chevrolet showroom floor, I’m sure he didn’t know that the #1 selling vehicle in 1986 would be the Chevrolet Celebrity.  Oldsmobile had tried using “Celebrity” for a model name in the 60s and gave up on it. 

In 2000, dad knew his time on earth was growing short and he wanted to buy a new car for mom. She refused, saying the new cars were too small and didn’t look safe.  I think she made a wise choice.  I mean, have you seen a 1986 Chevrolet Celebrity?  I think they can destroy most non-truck vehicles on the road. 

The radio doesn’t work.  The air conditioner works for about 10 days, after a $60 re-juicing.   But I would gladly give up all of those things to have the convenience of electric door-locks.  Wow, I never knew how important is the extravagance of just clicking your car doors locked or opened.  There have been so many times I have automatically manually locked the Celebrity’s driver’s door, shut it and then remembered I had to get something out of the back seat.  That means putting the 2nd key, that only fits the door and trunk, in the lock and opening the driver’s side, then reaching/stretching over the seat to slide the door lock open.  When loading a package into the back, it becomes a balancing act.  First, open the driver’s door, then do the “stretch over seat” thing, then load the package in back. This model does not have the “push/pull” buttons that were easily opened with a coat-hanger.  No, this has slide tabs in the middle of the door which must have been designed by smart chiropractors.  I can’t seem to find the dollar-figures, but I bet since the 1986 Celebrity was the best-selling car of the year, chiropractors seen their largest leap in income in 1987.

Yet, I bet if I advertised a 1986 Chevrolet Celebrity, owned by a little old lady in Indiana, with 58,000 actual miles on it, I’d be investigated for false advertising.

About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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