Missing Gene Might Solve All Problems


Many of the world’s problems can be solved easily by putting smart people in a room together and letting them hammer out ideas, solutions and arrive at answers. We did that today (Thanksgiving) at my house. We had a few friends and a dozen relatives all confined to a single space around a huge dining table where we multi-tasked; holding a conversation at the same time we were stuffing our faces with incredible tastes.

Most of the problems we solved were huge, global in nature, and we had very little opposing viewpoints.                                                                                                                                             I can’t remember the exact order of business, but I remember most of the topics. I know we solved the national debt issue, guaranteed the Dodgers a pennant next year, held the election of 2016, and gave out most of the Oscars, book awards and songs of the year. We agreed on the best cheap champagne, best medium priced champagne, but nobody ventured into the best expensive champagne. We solved the mystery of Dr. Pepper vs. Dr. Pepper ‘10’ and Coke vs. Coke Zero. We even demonstrated the proper “Gangnam” style of dance.

As the evening turned into late night, we still had a quorum left of deep thinkers, getting at the bottom of things and still consuming multiple desserts and drinks.

                                                                                And then, just as many super think-tanks reach conclusions, a brilliant deduction was made that solved one of mankind’s most troubling problems. At this point, we had already solved the world problems, and now we were getting into individual personality traits and I am proud to say this brilliant deduction was made by my lovely wife.

We were all engaged in a conversation about a particular person who sometimes “rubs us wrong.” You know who I mean. Every family has at least one member who is sometimes insulting, sometimes embarrassing and you wonder where their brains are. My wife brought us all to teary-eyed laughter when she hit the nail on the head regarding the problem with this particular relative who can get under our skin.  In a quiet moment in the conversation she turned to us and said, “You know what his problem is, he’s missing the ‘holy shit I just said something wrong’ gene.

After much laughing, it became apparent that this gene is missing in lots of folks we know; people who make comments about “legitimate rape, people who yell at innocent store clerks, people who loudly talk on cell phones at movies or restaurants, and I could go on and on.

We must find this missing gene that my wife identified. Check your friends and relatives DNA. The genetic code is, as she aptly described above, H-S-I-J-S-S-W.

If you find they suffer from that missing gene, you might just offer some advice that my mother used to tell me when I as a child. “think before you speak.”

Have a great holiday weekend…

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About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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3 Responses to Missing Gene Might Solve All Problems

  1. steve says:

    Dont forget the many innovative uses of a simple napkin ring!

    • bakoheat says:

      As one of the more creative thinkers of our Thanksgiving “think-tank” I thank you for reminding me of that conversation. I also forgot to mention the discussion of the best apps for Android to distort faces.

  2. You made me laugh with this one.

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