You know we’re in a heap of trouble when our liberal Guv, Jerry Brown, is in total agreement with Clarence Thomas, Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito. The problem is the other six justices disagree and California must release almost 10,000 MORE prisoners by the end of the year. It seems the magic number we have adequate facilities for are about 112, 000 beds. That figure puts us at 137% of capacity and the judges are happy with that number. Now for you out-of-staters, I need you to know we have already sent tens of thousands of prisoners into county jails. When this prisoner release-thing started we had to dump over 46,000 prisoners. Now we’re down to an almost manageable 10,000 extras.
Unfortunately, the county clinks are now maxed out and every county is letting these guys out by the hundreds every month too. So what do we do?
Well, it seems there are around 900 very sick or dying prisoners so that’s a no-brainer. Let those dudes out. Release them to family or friends if possible.
Now…for the rest of these prisoners, approximately nine thousand, we need for 9000 of you good people to help out. Let’s help out California. That’s why I’m starting an “Adopt a Prisoner Program.” Each of you can reach into your heart and say to Governor Jerry, “I’ll take one, please.” The early birds get to choose the type of criminal they prefer. It should be a fellow who fits into your current lifestyle. I don’t have any children in my household so I would probably be a good fit for a pedophile. My neighbors next door are elderly and slightly paranoid, so I thought they should choose someone who could provide them extra protection, maybe a gang leader or wife beater. When I proposed this to them, I think they saw the merits. They looked at each other, raised their eyebrows, said they would get back to me and slammed the door. Like I said, they are elderly.
My friends already know I have a generous heart. I have started many charitable organizations and this one will be combined with my last non-profit I started a few months ago, “Society Hiring Itinerant Travelers.” Our motto is, “If they have a back pack, give them a job.” I think the two organizations can work together under one website. My adopt-a-prisoner non-profit is called “Adopted Prisoner Enterprises.”…A.P.E.
You can reach either or both of the organizations under one banner. Just Go www.apeshit.edu.
Thanks for the kindness of your heart.
Let’s all go “apeshit” together.