When it comes to jobs I don’t like I think about hiring it done. However some jobs are personal and I figured they were “my jobs” and hiring was out of the question. Fat cats might hire it done. I’m not a fat cat. Well, let’s say the statement is half true. I’m not a cat.
However, one of the worse things a person should have to look at is a fat guy trying to cut his toenails….gross. I think my wife got tired of telling me to go get a pedicure so she knew I couldn’t let a birthday gift go to waste. I had never had a pedicure, so I needed to work my pedicure gift into my busy schedule. My wife asked me to meet downtown for lunch last Friday, so since my pedicurist (what a cool word) was also downtown I had a plan. I would get my first pedicure after lunch.
The weather was getting back to normal here, so I decided to wear sandals to lunch because watching a fat man take his shoes and socks off is only second worse to trimming toenails. In third place is a fat guy in a small boat.
I parked on Chester Avenue (the strangest name for Main Street in the USA) and waited for the traffic to clear to get out of my car. I then walked around behind my car and stepped up the high curb to the sidewalk. Rather I tried to step up…got the right foot up but the left sandal toe stubbed on the curb. This sent me into a death-defying balancing-stumbling act that if successful could have qualified for a Cirque du Soleil move. But it was not successful and with one bare foot and one half-clad sandaled foot I did at least three more stagger-steps and promptly sprawled face first, leaving some elbow skin, knee skin and palm skin on the sidewalk. Only my pride was hurt as I looked up to see four folks walking towards me. Two older couples, the men in jeans and plaid shirts, and the ladies in warm coats, approached me slowly as I picked myself up and tried to get both sandals back in place. I was ready with a quip and as they got even with me I said, “Well, I guess it was too early to start drinking today.”
It didn’t strike them as funny. As they passed me the one gentleman turned around, stopped and said, “You know, if you’d get yourself a set of work boots you wouldn’t be falling on your ass that way.”
The pedicure was wonderful, but the gal wondered why there was skin missing on my left foot.