Sex, Drugs and Blues

Yeah, all those other scribes are busy writing about sex, drugs and rock and roll. Not me, man. I’m a blues guy.

Now that my novel, Barstow Blues, is released, many potential readers have asked me, “Hey, Dan, what’s the book about?”

When I say, “Sex, drugs and blues”– their eyes turn blank and they usually gulp and suddenly need to take a phone call before their cell rings. I understand.

I read a book about writing. It said– write what you know. I did.

I also know a lot about kitty litter, Satanic poetry, Nascar, the ‘49rs, car wrecks, Jack Daniels and Indiana. I’m excited about my next novel about a drunken witch who takes her cat with her everywhere she goes. She goes back to Indiana and puts a “spell” on Danica Patrick who begins to win every damn race. You won’t believe how she becomes Danica Kaepernick. Stay tuned. Or not.
Colin-Kaepernick-24witch and catDanica

Speaking of books, it was fun to see the latest American Library Association list. The all-important “Best Banned Book List.”

If I could only get on that list I would sell millions of copies of Barstow Blues.

The rules to get on the Best Banned Book List are easy. The books having the most “challenges” to be banned make this honor roll. This list is a celebration of our freedom to read any damn thing we want to read. Yes, roll your eyes, holy rollers, I mean you.

Right here in Bakersfield, where Steinbeck brought the Joad family in “The Grapes of Wrath” the local do-gooders had a book-burning of that incredibly great book– right in the center of town. And yes, we still have a closed-mind-set group of people who think they know what’s best for us. They definitely don’t like us reading about filthy sex, unless of course it’s that great clean sex in the Bible…you know where Lot has sex with both his daughters and they bear his sons to be the heads of great new clans. That’s the good stuff we should read.

On to the list. For the second year in a row the number one most challenged  book is CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS. Yes in fact the whole series (10 total) are under siege for their potty humor. Poor Captain Underpants is always busy plotting against Professor Poopie Pants or wrestling with the wicked Wedgie Woman.

Here’s the Top Ten Best Banned Book List of the American Library Association:

1)    Captain Underpants                  by Dav Pilkey
2)   The Bluest Eye                            by Tony Morrison
3)   The Absolute True Diary of a Part-Time Indian         by Sherman Alexie
4)   50 Shades of Grey                    by E. L. James  (sorry ladies, there’s a lot of do-gooders                                                                                               that don’t want you reading that)
5)   The Hunger Games                by Suzanne Collins
6)   A Bad Boy Can be Good for a Girl    by Tanya Lee Stone
7)   Looking for Alaska                by John Green
8)   The Perks of being a Wallflower        by Stephen Chbosky
9)   Bless Me Ultima                    by Rudolpho Anaya
10) Bone                                         by Jeff Smith


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7 Responses to Sex, Drugs and Blues

  1. fiddlrts says:

    I guess I could see 50 Shades being banned for being a crime against writing…f

  2. joanraymondwriting says:

    An expert on kitty litter? That would make an interesting read – maybe that could be your banned book. 🙂

    • bakoheat says:

      Ahh yes, I’ve settled for the Arm & Hammer “Ultra Last” stuff. However I must admit I’ve only read one Satanic poem and it made no sense. A little creative license there.

  3. Anna Stewart says:

    I sort of want to read Captain Underpants now…but an afraid I’d hate it and be somehow sicker into sympathy with the banning…and I never want to be one of those people…so I shall abstain…until curiosity gets the better of me and I read it anyway. 🙂

    • bakoheat says:

      There are TEN Captain Underpants books…so far. I checked them out and caught myself giggling like a 10 year old does at fart jokes. I wouldn’t let my 8 year old read the. But, maybe my 10 year old?

  4. My first teaching position resulted in a fight between me and my principal (also in his first year) because I taught “To Kill a Mockingbird” in my junior class (American Lit year back then). He got so pissed about the “sex in the classroom” that he practically yanked me into the hall and told me to cease and desist. It was a small school. I was so pissed that I couldn’t teach, in that moment. My students had witnessed it all, and were taken back, to say the least. I told them all to “Stay!” and went down the hall to the principal’s office, where he was standing, red in the face, hands on hips. I stared back and said, “Have you read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird?'” He obviously hadn’t. I said to him, “If you have a legitimate reason for me to refrain from teaching something, I will expect you to know what you’re ‘banning’ first. To which he replied, “Ok, I’ll approve them after I’ve read them, if they’re ok.”

    The following day, I came to his office with all the goodies… “Catcher in the Rye,” “Huck Finn,” “Call of the Wild,” “The Scarlet Letter,” and 6 or 7 others. I said “I’m starting one of these in a week. Let me know …. He said, “Which one?

    I said, “… haven’t decided yet…”

    Needless to say, I really pissed him off. He made my life hell after that, and tried to get me fired as the year ended. The superintendent however, took MY side. So my jerkowitz principal went to the school board proclaiming “me or him.” The board looked to the superintendent, and said, “Charlie?” And he said, “Mr. Schrader is doing a great job. He’s an excellent teacher.”

    Jerkowitz resigned, and got another job terrorizing students and teachers south of Indy. Next principal was truly cool. We’re still friends.

    Now that I think about it, this was 1966, and I’d most certainly have ended up in Viet Nam, had I lost my first position.

    Holy catshit, Batman!

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