Depression Suppression


A few weeks of daily nursing home visits can be a downer. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and think about my mom and another one hundred folks who don’t want to be here. There are very few men and most of those here don’t know they are here. A year ago you might remember my mother’s reply when I told her it I was surprised not to see many men. She answered, “No surprise, this is an old lady’s prison.” (bummer!)

However, I started thinking about the differences in men and women and the fact that men seem happier than women. I remember my buddy Pat in San Diego sent me some of those reasons why. I thought about my happiness compared to women I know– and it’s true. There are so many reasons why men are not depressed.

Just a few reasons why men are less depressed then woman:

My garage is all mine.
My last name stays put.
All wedding plans take care of themselves.
For me, chocolate is just another snack.
I can never be pregnant.
I can wear a white tee-shirt to a water park…or
I can wear no shirt to a water park.
Every car mechanic tells me the truth.
The world is my urinal.
urinating men

I never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is too yucky.

I never have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
My wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress=$5000 Tuxedo Rental = $100.
People never stare at my chest when I’m talking to them.
My new shoes never cut, blister or mangle my feet.
I’m usually in one mood all the time.
My phone conversations never stretch beyond 30 seconds.
A five-day vacation requires just one suitcase.
I can open every jar in the house.
If someone forgets to invite me they can still be my friend.
My underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Everything on my face stays the original color.
My same hairstyle lasts for years…actually decades.
braided hairdo
I only have to shave my face and neck.
I get to play with toys all my life.
I can wear shorts no matter how my legs look.
I can do my nails with a pocket knife.
I have freedom of choice about growing a mustache.
I can do all my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

PACK HAPPINESS
I believe we men are also happier than woman in our groups. When Judy, Karen and Barb go out for lunch they still call each other Judy, Karen and Barb. When I go out to lunch with Don and Sam, we call each other FatBoy Bubba and Wildman.
(Also, when the bill comes we each throw $20 in the pot and walkout the door…with the girls, out comes the pocket calculators).

When I wake up in the morning, I look just as good as I did when I went to bed. Something during the night happens to make women deteriorate.
disheveled-woman

Thanks for reading this.
I have to run and buy some flowers cause my ass is in trouble.

About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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5 Responses to Depression Suppression

  1. Terry Redman says:

    So the photo is what I first thought it is. What you say is true but for me the nuances are different. there are fewer men in those homes because the women outlive us via better survival skills and inner toughness, and the genetics of some Lucy born 100,000 years ago.
    a lot of men are in denial about depression so it’s good you recognize and deal with it. Always fun to pass by here. TR

  2. How funny. Especially your closing line 🙂

    • bakoheat says:

      Double trouble now. Didn’t know the wife would read it. “Where are my flowers?” is all I’m hearing. I’m trying to explain about “writers prerogatives, etc”. I guess I’ll buy the damn flowers.

  3. heyannis says:

    A great and funny list, Dan. Mostly true, too. I think Terry has a good point about many men being in denial. Get the flowers, buddy. xoA

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