Before you start singing these lyrics remember to yodel (like Slim Whitman) on the middle sound of each word. Okay, ready? Sing:
I’m tired of cry-y-yin’
And all her lie-ie-iein’
That’s why I’m buy-y-in’
A china doll
I’m dedicating this post today to my secret friends in China. I know a few of them are reading this today (or tonight their time).
That song above is a “play on words.”
This is a pun:
“It’s not that I don’t know how to juggle, I just don’t have the balls to do it.”
How can puns be banned? Who can live without puns? I feel I need to give them some ammo to last them for many years.
(Okay, my Chinese friends, write these down—puns and wordplay)
My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works, then it struck me.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
It was an emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers.
At one time I was addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon they gave him the cold shoulder.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang but then it came back to me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I used to be a banker but then I lost interest.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
I knew a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
I was going to buy a book on phobias but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.
Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
I really wanted some camouflage pants but I couldn’t find any.
Loew’s is giving away dead batteries free of charge.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can’t hit the high seas.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I tried to look up impotence on the internet but nothing came up.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.
I used to have a fear of hurdles but I got over it.
I was going to tell you a joke about infinity but it didn’t have an ending.
Sleeping comes naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him very frail and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath. This made him “A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.”
Enough already…I sent out 20 different puns to my friends hoping at least ten of them would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.