Why I Hate Lists


Everywhere, everyday lists are in my face. It the way we communicate. Lists. And guess what?  Most people love lists. Guess I’m weird.
Throw a list on a computer screen and people can’t wait to read your list.

I was reading an article about blogs. It said if I wanted lots of readers I should title my blog with “lists.” You know, like, 10 reasons to read my blog. Or– Top 20 Reasons to skip Christmas this year.  Top 7 Reasons I’m not eating Turkey for one year. Stuff like that.

The best-read blogs are lists. Every day. The best read news-feeds are lists. Every day. Some of the best read web-sites feature lists. Buzz-Feed, Mental Floss…very popular…full of lists.

A big problem now is the list-makers have run out of things to make lists about. So the only lists to read are bat-shit crazy.

You still can’t go wrong checking out Letterman (only a few weeks of his show left) and his TOP TEN list. It’s tongue-in-cheek and not like the lists I’m talking about. Here’s Letterman’s TOP TEN list for things one heard in line waiting for Black Friday stores to open–                    http://www.cbs.com/shows/late_show/top_ten/
Letterman TOP TEN

But the bat-shit crazy lists keep coming. So, I bow to you dear reader. I’m told you love to read lists. This first list is the TOP TEN WAYS to REUSE SEX TOYS AROUND THE HOUSE. This should get your attention. http://www.ultimatetop10s.com/top-10-ways-re-use-sex-toys-around-house/

For my Chinese friends who have “PUNS” now removed and illegal in China…here’s the TOP TEN AMAZING LORD OF THE RINGS PUNS–http://www.ultimatetop10s.com/top-10-simple-yet-amazing-lord-rings-puns/

 

These web-analysts started figuring out that some people (hello!) were turned off by TOP TEN. So odd numbers started appearing and “VOILA” the odd-numbered lists started out-performing TOP TEN lists.  Gee Whiz.

So here is the TOP ELEVEN STOPS FOR YOUR HARRY POTTER VACATION.
http://mentalfloss.com/article/60477/11-awesome-stops-should-be-every-harry-potter-fans-vacation-list

And for my elitist friends who can’t be bothered with Harry Potter vacation stops, here is a TOP ELEVEN BEST NEW WORDS ADDED TO THE OXFORD DICTIONARY.http://mentalfloss.com/article/60452/11-best-new-words-added-oxford-dictionaries

 

Finally there are those BIG GIANT LISTS that many people love. So I’ll close with a very important list.  Since the Merry season is upon us, here is a list about the movie ELF.

Here are 21 THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT ELF—

http://mentalfloss.com/article/60421/21-things-you-might-not-know-about-elf
ELF

About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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5 Responses to Why I Hate Lists

  1. heyannis says:

    You crack me up, Dan. I don’t need a list. xoA

  2. List articles make a lot more sense when I think of it as just a formatting thing. You can make anything you write about and format it into a list post. That’s great because when you number your ideas it’s a really straightforward way to communicate them.

    So then the only difference between an academic essay and a list post is that you number your paragraphs. Well that and you bring the reading level down a bit (use more common words, informal language, shorter sentences).

    I love lists posts both as a reader and a writer. Quick way to communicate a lot of ideas in one sitting.

    Some are a bit flimsy though so it’s easy to sour on them.

    • Robert D. Levinson says:

      My mother in- law, bless her heart, needs a list when we take her to Wal-Mart, Oklahoman’s favorite place to shop. Without a list, it’s random shopping, meandering up & down the aisles, pausing to analyze product info, etc. The wife & I have it down to a ritual each with our own cart we’re in & out of there. Otherwise, you can find me in electronics.

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