So Now They Tell Us


My elementary education was pounded, literally, into my head by Franciscan Nuns. A few of us nasty boys did not give them much respect. That got us more pounding from paddles, yard sticks, or closest hard object.
Nun with stick

 

 

I appreciate the good education I received, but not the mythology and stern-faced attitudes. I’m jealous of my friends who received the same knowledge given with smiles.

One of the big “no-nos” was chewing gum. Gum was mostly a “girl thing” as boys had to keep their mouths empty for spit-wads and hocking loogies. By eighth grade we boys had become expert tonguers. We learned to roll our tongue in a groove, collect a small amount of moisture and softly, silently, but forcibly, flick a small ball of spit on to the shirt or blouse of the unlucky person sitting ahead of us. Sorry, gross I know, but true. I just slapped myself for even remembering how nasty we were (Come on, I wasn’t alone)

Back to the chewing gum. This was a bad, bad thing that usually brought a homework penalty of 500 sentences stating, “I promise I will never chew gum in class again.” Most of us learned to write with two pencils in our hand so it became 250 sentences. Half the work.

In my sixth grade class we had one heavy-duty girl gum-chewer and one heavy-duty girl booger-eater.
Young girl licking lips

 The summer after sixth grade I volunteered to help clean classrooms and the hallways. That was when I got to see the bottom of each girl’s desk.  Eweeeeeeee. I understood the gum under the desk, it had to be hid. But, how could any one girl have that many boogers….enough to eat and dozens to store. After all, we were allowed to blow our noses so there was no need for storage. I’m just sayin’.

Now I read that the British Journal of Psychology is now stating that gum chewing is a good thing.
It improves concentration.
It increases the flow of oxygen and glucose to the brain.
Chewing gum reduces stress and improves test scores.

Take that Sister Bertha.

I’ll let you know when they discover the benefits of booger-eating.

About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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4 Responses to So Now They Tell Us

  1. joanraymondwriting says:

    I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. This brings back so many Catholic school memories. I don’t remember the booger-eaters so much, but the gum chewers – they never got a break. My friend was caught with gum and had to wear it on the end of her nose all day. Funny now, not so much then.
    I remember the infamous ink-cartridge pens. Those could cause some damage on unsuspecting classmates. A perfect flick of the wrist would send a line of indigo ink dots across a white blouse in seconds. Never got in trouble for it; but, yep I did my fair share of flicking.

  2. We never had nun that good looking,Dan… except for 2nd grade… Sister “Rosella”.. who bailed. Bertha was the German Horror and horror story-teller; Rosella the sweetheart; Anella, the bitch; Nicoletta the termagant; and Acquinina was everyone’s total nemesis… she didn’t walk… she floated off the ground on a cushion of air about 2″ deep..Caught me cheating on a religion test! Called my parents in… confronted me in front of them, and my Dad looked at me and asked me directly “Did you cheat?” I lied. “No.” I was more afraid of him than her (at the time)

    BIG MISTAKE. She screwed me over so bad after that, you couldn’t have gotten me into another Catholic school unless I was a corpse.

    Great post. Don’t forget the cold egg sandwiches after communion every day, and the flies…..flies… flies (we used to have contests to see who could kill/ and/or torture the most.

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