Only the Strong Survive


There are some great comedians in today’s marketplace. The big differences in today’s comedians are the raw profane comedy that we can hear nightly on our cable television. In the past one had to pay a cover and see a live act to hear those dirty words.

Today’s clean comedians have to be better than the raw ones. Can’t help it, I still laugh at fart jokes. We Stupid Men!

In my opinion the best “clean” comedian today is Jim Gaffigan. He’s also a damn good funny writer, too. My favorite “raw” comedian I will be sitting in the front row and watching in two weeks…Bill Burr.
Bill Burr

Back in the early television days most stand-up comedians were all the same. They walk out on stage, tell jokes and hope for laughs. Only the strong and creative survived.

One of the survivors barely got to the ‘big time,’ and when he did “make it”- he became one of the greats. I realize that most people are too young to know his stand-up act. He was popular with the younger generation from his three crazy movie roles.

He was born Jacob Cohen, the son of vaudeville performers. It was in his blood and he wanted to be a comedian early on. He started writing comedy bits at age 15 and when he was nineteen he booked his first show under the name of Jack Roy. His father performed as Phil Roy.

Jacob Cohen legally changed his name to Jack Roy when he was twenty. He failed miserably as a comic. He struggled for nine years, even getting fired as a singing waiter. He then worked as an acrobatic comic diver and got fired from that job. Finally he gave up show business and started selling aluminum siding.

But, he never gave up on his dream. He was $20,000 in debt and newly divorced and it was the ‘60s. He thought if he could come up with a gimmick he would be remembered. Jack Roy just wasn’t cutting it.

He remembered listening to the Jack Benny Radio show back in the ‘40s. Benny did skits and one of them involved a fake cowboy star with a crazy name. Jack Roy was reminded of that crazy name when he heard Ricky Nelson (Ozzie & Harriet TV show) use the same name in a funny bit in the late ‘50s.

Jack Roy decided to try that name and to use his new gimmick. The next comedy club he booked he became…Rodney Dangerfield and he got “NO RESPECT.”

Fate smiled on Rodney in 1967. A guest cancelled the Ed Sullivan Show and Rodney was a last minute add-on. He wowed the audience and that’s the rest of the story. He became a regular on the Dean Martin show and was on the Tonight Show thirty five times. Johnny loved him.

Earlier I mentioned his three crazy movies. How can we forget: Caddy Shack-Easy Money and Back to School.
If you missed his incredible “no respect” stand-up routine, that’s a shame.
Let me bring it to you right now. Enjoy!

He once said…

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

I knew a girl so ugly… they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray AFTER the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.

It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.

I’m afraid to go to the bathroom. I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I’m so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

I’m so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I’m so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.

I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said: “Nothing, your eyesight is perfect.”

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy — for birth control.
rodneydangerfield

About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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2 Responses to Only the Strong Survive

  1. fiddlrts says:

    I’m reading one of Jim Gaffigan’s books right now. You’re right, he is pretty funny.

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