Because All Content Needs To Go Viral


I try to stay out of the Facebook quagmire, but there are those days when I stumble into the quicksand. The surgeries, cat photos, political rants, and dozens of time-suck video feeds flip by in sequence with the hour-hand on the clock.
sleepy writer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I see a familiar shared video and smile. Someone has shared a “click-bait” video that was started by “ClickHole.” My kind of irreverent crap. I love ClickHole.

This site was started a year ago by many of the “Onion” writers (http://www.theonion.com/)
…again…my kind of irreverent crap. At first it was just a parody of “BuzzFeed.” Now, according to web measuring tools, they are getting between ten and fifteen million page views per month.

The real breakthrough for ClickHole came last November with their masterpiece article that had seven million viewers (that’s called going viral). You may remember this one:
“’90s Kids Rejoice! The Spider Eggs They Used to Fill Beanie Babies Finally Hatching.” (http://www.clickhole.com/article/90s-kids-rejoice-spider-eggs-they-used-fill-beanie-1209

Sometimes you may see a “quiz” on Facebook. I like one which asks you to take the quiz: “So You Think You Know the American Revolution.” Here is a typical question in the Revolution quiz:

Who said “Give me liberty or give me death”?

1) Alexander Hamilton said “Give me liberty,” John Adams said “or,” and then James Madison said “give me death.”

2) Benjamin Franklin’s wise prostitute.

3) All of the Founding Fathers said it in unison, and the sound was so loud that it cracked the Liberty Bell.

4) Thomas Jefferson’s slaves said this to Thomas Jefferson every night until he finally killed them.

And yes there are many more questions just like the one above.

Another great article was:

Are you a Five-Card Stud or a Low-Stakes Larry? Find out by taking this quiz!

Check all that apply:

All of your clothes are tailored from poker table felt.

When you blow on the dice for luck, you try to get as much of your luck spit on them as possible.

You get a royalty check anytime anyone says “This is my kinda town” within the municipal boundary of Las Vegas.

You can list all the numbers of the playing cards. In order.

You’ve donated thousands of blue chips to humanitarian efforts in Bangladesh.

When you see people playing penny slots, you casually mention aloud how in a just world, they would all be shot to death.

You always say “Thank you” whenever the dealer gives you a new card.

The hotel concierge at the MGM is your AA sponsor.

The last time you had to pay for a cocktail at a casino, Benjamin Harrison was in the White House.

You hate low stakes more than anything, including the Rwandan genocide.

You can say “big money!” in three different languages.

Pitbull follows you around even when you ask him not to.

You were an extra in the movie Snake Eyes.

Your mailing address is just “Vegas, Baby.”

You’ve revived Kesha from certain death at least once.

You only bathe in the Bellagio fountains.

As an extra in Snake Eyes, you met director Brian De Palma.

When you call American Express on the phone, they wish you a happy birthday even if it’s not your birthday.

Your nephew thinks you’re hot shit.

The mayor of Las Vegas named one of her pet snakes after you.

When you see an empty chair at the craps table, you sit down without even asking “Is this seat taken?”

You have submitted over 75 short stories about Texas Hold ’Em to The New Yorkerunder the pen name Lady Luck, and all of them have been published.

You can tell the difference between a coniferous forest and a big pile o’ cash.

You were forcibly removed from the Snake Eyes set after you constantly ran up to the camera and said the line “I gamble with the best of ’em” even though you were just an extra.

You’ve lost track of how many of your marriages that you’ve tanked.

You’re close with the tiger that mauled Roy.

ARE YOU A HIGH ROLLER?

Of course you will click on the answer and here is what they tell you.

You Are A Pathetically Low Roller
Sickeningly, you are not beholden to your whims or compulsions. You can walk right by a roulette wheel and not so much as tip your hat and say “Good evening, Lady Luck” to it. You drive one of four kinds of Volvo.

If you want to have much more fun than BuzzFeed can give you I recommend you click on ClickHole and join me. Their mantra is :  “Because All Content Needs To Go Viral”

http://www.clickhole.com/

 

 

About bakoheat

Writer/Musician
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