South Side with Both of You

Don’t Miss this New Exciting Movie opening in your neighborhood soon (I hope)

It’s not fair that Barack and Michelle get a movie about their first date in 1989.
(“Southside with You”)
It has probably  made The Donald jealous. So let’s do a movie about his story which happened a year later, 1990.

Let me say this: Everything in my movie is taken from interviews, written reports and by now is old and stale news. Like the Barack and Michelle movie, this is also a true account.
So now that The Donald is front and center, I’m taking advantage and pitching my script to  Hollywood. Maybe run it by you first.

No problem casting the models, they are a dime a dozen and looking for screen roles. The Donald was the hardest to cast, but I finally found someone to play him.
The Donald 2

We’ll start the movie with romantic sex scenes, but a little back story is necessary.

As you may remember The Donald was married to the lovely blonde model (aren’t they all?) Ivana. They had been married for 13 years, thirteen long years. Ivana was starting to show some age.

Young Ivana

So The Donald was sneaking around with a younger blonde model, Marla Maples.
Young Marla

We’ll start the movie with their first date.
It could be in a variety of places, so we’ll leave the place up to the cinematographers for the best setting. There are many to choose from.
We’ll try to keep the camera from showing the very small hands of The Donald.

The real action will come over the Christmas Holidays in 1990 (One year after Michelle and Barack have their first date). The setting is Aspen. We know this story to be true because we have many written accounts, most notably the interview with Ba-ba- Walters that Ivana did. (Of course Donald had given her tens of millions of dollars and a no-talky about divorcey settlement)

So The Donald screwed up and had both women in Aspen at the same time. Come on, is he that brave? Yes, he’s The Donald.

Ivana finds out that the mistress is in the city and is told that the name of the mistress is Moola, at least that’s how Ivana’s Czech-Republic ears heard it…Moola. (something like oo-la-la).

We first have the confrontation scene in private, just The Donald and Ivana in their Aspen suite.  She confronts him about her new information from New York gossip columns.(All of them)
“Donald, who is Moola?”

Donald: “That’s a funny name, but it might be this gal that’s been chasing after me for two years. I pay no attention to her. There’s lots of gals chasing after me.”

Camera closes in on Ivana, showing relief on her face, but then the phone rings.  The Donald says he will get it, important business call he is expecting.
Ivana, being no dummy, goes into living room and gently lifts receiver and “voila” it’s friend of Moola talking about her. Another confrontation.  More fast talking. Everything is fine.

December 29, the camera shows a couple skiing. The man, who is The Donald, is not that accomplished on skis but his beautiful dark haired model friend is a good skier. She zooms down the slope with Donald trying to catch her and riding up the slope looking down at them is Ivana. She asks her companion who The Donald is skiing with. She is told it is another model, a friend of Moola.

Aha, the plot thickens.

The next day, December 30, The Donald and Ivana are having lunch at Bonnie’s, “the” lunch place to go in Aspen.


Ivana sees the ski-bunny-model in line. Ivana goes up to the dark haired beauty and asks her “I understand you are friend of Moolas. (you’ll have to imagine the Czech accent). You tell her for me I love my husband and she better stay away from him.”

Standing right behind her friend is Moola, I mean Marla, and she is shocked to hear her friend being verbally attacked by Ivana. (Isn’t this a better movie than some boring first date thing?).

Marla is pissed. She runs up behind Ivana and starts yelling (in front of dozens of witnesses) “How dare you speak about me in front of my children who were in line with me. I want to let you know. I am Marla and I love your husband very much. Do you?”

Ivana yells back (don’t forget…The Donald is standing beside Ivana and his orange skin has turned reddish orange) “You stay away from my husband and yes I love him very much.”

The next scene for the camera (as recorded again by many witnesses) is The Donald and Ivana walking into the ski and pole storage area with Ivana waving her arms and shouting loudly and The Donald trying to shush her. He moves her down near the ski fitting area and starts putting on his skis. Dozens of people are enjoying the battle. Ivana is still waving her arms and yelling while The Donald skis off into the sunset.

Suddenly (again, a true report) dozens of people start clapping as The Donald skis away and Ivana turns and waves to the crowd and skis off after him.

Divorce proceedings begin after the first of the year. Movie titles roll.


Comb-over hair weaves are nasty!
1-The Donald 1


About bakoheat

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One Response to South Side with Both of You

  1. fiddlrts says:

    Actually, “Moola” is a pretty good term for what Le Toupee has as his most long-standing mistress: cold hard cash.

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