If you’d like to read this as a restaurant review, feel free to do that.
Lately I’ve been in a hurry. I haven’t had time to fry a couple eggs and throw some sausage in the microwave. I realize I have a scheduling problem and I’m working on that.
But that’s not my big sin.
My big sin is I’ve used the “2 for” both at Burger King and McDonald’s. I love it when I see them warring over simple little breakfast sandwiches.
Burger King is still stupid about breakfast food. They haven’t seen the light. People like eggs and meat any time of the day and night. When McDonalds finally figured that out and started serving breakfast “any time” their sales shot up 4% chain-wide. Burger King still dictates that we can’t have our eggs and meat after 10:30. Screw them.
Quite honestly I hate both of those establishments. The smell of McDonalds French Fries makes me gag. I have only been inside McDonalds to use their men’s room. And then only in an extreme emergency. Their men’s room always smells worse than their fries.
McDonalds is a mile away, but on my way to my morning college class.
You see where this story is going. Running late to class, stopping at one of those places I don’t admire or frequent.
A few weeks ago the war started. As I passed by the Burger King, their billboard sign stated, “Croissan-wich, two for $4.” On reading that it logged in my head for future reference because I hadn’t eaten breakfast and the billboard tattooed their sign on one of my shrinking brain neurons.
Two days later I pulled in the drive-through. The deal was two for four and the deal was on the Sausage, Egg and Cheese Croissan-wich (what a stupid name) or the Bacon, Egg and Cheese. The regular menu price of one was $2.99. I bought one of each. Two for Four dollars. Large black coffee to burn them down fast.
The two so called “Croissan-wich” sat rather heavy in my stomach. I remembered eating a McDonald’s Sausage McMuffin years before and another shrinking taste-memory neuron told me McDonald’s is better.
Their Billboard screamed, “Egg McMuffin, 2 for $3.50.” NO, NO, NO, it can’t be happening. A breakfast sandwich war. Regular price is the same as Burger King, $2.99.
I had to make the taste test so I was in their drive-through the next morning. Bought the Two For and a large black coffee to burn it down fast.
My official comments on putting two of these in an empty stomach.
Don’t do it. Don’t do this to your stomach. If you’re normally hungry in the morning, as you should be, get up early enough to throw fresh eggs in the skillet and microwave some meat of your choice. Better yet, grab some fresh fruit.
If you don’t have time, grab a rock out of the driveway and wash that down with hot bitter coffee. And you’ll save four bucks. Your stomach will thank you.
I do believe the McDonalds is a better tasting product than Burger King. Don’t eat either.
By the way, the war is over. They are now back to regular pricing.
This is for people who have read this silly shit this far and are looking for more minutes of their life to waste.
About the McDonald’s Breakfast Menu:
My high school friend owned four McDonalds’ back in the ‘70s. I played in his Rock and Roll Band in the ‘50s when I was sixteen. He moved fifty miles away when he had a chance to buy a McDonald’s franchise. What a smart move.
He stopped by my music store in the early ‘70s to chat one day. He said that the home office of McDonald’s had awarded him a huge cash bonus for his suggestion about serving Breakfast. At his urging they did a market survey about serving breakfast.
Sure enough in 1972, McDonalds introduced the Egg McMuffin.
I think the Egg McMuffin was probably responsible for so much human depression in 1972. Popular songs use to forecast the mood of the people.
(Now so much anymore, because popular songs are viewed instead of listened.)
The top four songs of 1972 were :
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (Roberta Flack)
Alone Again, Naturally (Gilbert O’Sullivan)
American Pie (The Day The Music Died) (Don McLean)
Without You (Harry Nilssen)
Go ahead. Buy and Egg McMuffin and play those four songs in a row.
When you stop crying, write to me. I know a good shrink.